I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
