you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
