We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
