I'm going to jail i love you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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