Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
