Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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