Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
a search helicopter?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
