before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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