He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
