pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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