great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
