Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
