Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
