he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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