The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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