I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I skipped work to stalk him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
