you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
