we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
