whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize