Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
