ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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