My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
These tits shall not be calmed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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