is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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