roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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