why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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