How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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