I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
