I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Acid is not a monday night drug
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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