I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Be still, my beating vagina.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
