Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize