party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
