oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
