i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
