Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
