I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
