I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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