I accidentally burped into my bong.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
