My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
