why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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