Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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