She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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