as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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