Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
