I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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