Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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