Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
