I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
