i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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