Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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