worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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