I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
