he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
