Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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