FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
