you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
