You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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