Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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