the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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