i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
