My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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