We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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