Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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