Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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