Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
