He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
