It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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