So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
