I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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