don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize