Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am available for nakedness
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
