well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
