i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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