i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
